Delays Delays

No not the crooked congressman from Texas kind. We're not going to attempt the fence this weekend after all. We're cutting it too tight, and I didn't round up sufficient help in time to move on it this soon. We may have to shoot for the 16th and 17th of June because The Other Younger Half starts her internship next week. 32 hours a week of internship + massage = about a million hours a week working. Add to that the kids finishing up school and all the stuff that goes on with that, and you get no fence for a while. After consulting with Jon and the Dreadful man, it looks like we do have a final design, so now we just have to buy the right materials.

The Madster has her big performances of MacBeth tomorrow. Review to follow.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...Whatever

I know, I know I haven't been posting, but I'm not the only one who has those privileges. It was a pretty relaxed Memorial Day weekend for us. KyKy spent Sunday night at EG & DM's with her cousin Douglas, and we hosted Douglas' two sisters at our place that night. On Monday we gathered at EG & DM's for dinner. Ross, Anne and the boys were in town from Denver. It is always so very nice to see them. They had big news for all of us. They are starting the process of adopting a child from China. Most excellent. Adoptions, formal and informal run rampant in The Other Younger Half's family. It's quite a brood when we can get everyone together at the same time.

The kids had a great time Sunday and Monday. They spent lots of time outside playing with the neighbors - jump rope, kick ball and helping The Other Younger Half work on the front garden. We're well on our way to having a grassless front yard. I'm all for it. The back has no grass because the dogs tear it up and it's futile trying to grow anything back there. In the front we have some nice crabgrass, but I never water it because I hate mowing the lawn. TOYH has been slowly increasing the size of the garden in front, so within a couple of years the grass should be gone completely. I would like to create a rain garden in the boulevard between the sidewalk and the street. The city actually encourages these gardens because they are supposed to help decrease runoff into the street. Plus they look cool. It's going to involve a lot of work - digging. The boulevard probably has a old elm stump and thatch decomping into soil, so over the years it's built up a couple of inches higher than the sidewalk. We would have to dig lower than the walk and the curb for the garden to have it's intended effect.

TOYH is intent on putting up a fence this coming weekend along the south border of our lot. We talked to Jose, who owns Mabel's old house next door, and he said we could tear down the chain link fence that is standing there now. I'm sure that once I start ripping it up, the ghost of Mabel is going to come back and haunt us. Of course it's possible she'll stay away from her old stomping grounds since her precious Cape Cod duplex (which sticks out like a sore thumb in the 'hood) is now filled with Spanish speaking immigrants who barbeque and drink beer on the weekends. They also sit on the grass. If you haven't heard us talk about Mabel and her yard, ask. There are plenty of stories from the 8 years we lived next to her. I can't say I really miss her bloomers hanging out on the clothes line though. Anywhoo... TOYH is heading up this whole project. She has a grand vision in mind for the yard, so I just step back, let her come up with the designs, and implement them as best as my limited skills will allow. By the way, if anyone with any skills at all is available next weekend, give us a call. My teevee channel changing talent is of limited value on projects like this.

I hit 1000 miles on the SS Deathstar this weekend. Not too bad considering I picked it up on Friday the 13th of April. (No comment on my piddling amount of miles Neil) I wanted to celebrate by buying a twitchy road bike that someone from the club was selling, cheap. I mean real cheap. TOYH reminded me we don't have any money right now, and I already have 3 bikes. She doesn't get it. One can never have enough bikes.

We Showed Up

Now will it make a difference? Last night, KyKy, The Madster and I attended a Minneapolis Public Schools board meeting. Why? Because the Principal of Emerson Spanish Immersion Learning Center has determined in her infinite wisdom that grades 6-8 should function as a middle school with 5 teachers instead of 6. Right now grades 7-8 are taught by the Gang of Four - Armbrecht, Weil, Sommers and Skendi. They are outstanding. I cannot tell you how pleased we have been with KyKy's academic performance the past two years, and this is directly attributable to these teachers. Grade 6 is team taught by Dwight and Eastlund both excellent teachers. Both KyKy and The Madster had them. Well, Armbrecht is moving back to cheesehead land to be closer to his ill father. Eastlund just had a baby and is on leave next year. Dwight is only licensed for K-6 so she can't teach upper grades of middle school. That leaves 3 of the Gang of Four, plus the loss of the grade six teachers at least temporarily. I believe at least one of the Gang of Four is threatening to leave if the proposed changes go through. Essentially, the upper grades, where academic rigor is extremely high, would be wrecked.

FYI, Emerson, with 300 students K-8, has a Principal and an Assistant Principal. 8 out of the last 10 years the school has functioned just fine without an Assistant Principal.

The School Board has final say over the budget and can overrule the Principal's proposal, so Emerson supporters came out en mass to the board meeting. There were 40 to 50 students, parents, former students and parents of former students at the meeting to tell the board, "Don't mess with this school." This school out performs its peers in terms of test scores. It has a waiting list to get in. It draws students from outside Minneapolis, which brings in badly needed money to the district. Graduates from Emerson consistently report how well prepared they are for high school, most saying that high school is a breeze compared to 7th and 8th grade at Emerson. This school teaches English speakers Spanish and Spanish speakers English. Hello? Drive up and down Lake Street and see who your neighbors are. There is a tremendous need for second language acquisition for English and Spanish speakers. Finally, there is a cultural component to a dual language immersion school. Immigrant kids are rubbing elbows with kids like mine who were born and raised here. These interactions are not something you can learn from a book or a 1 week exchange program to another country. These kids are learning to live and work together, and isn't that part of what public education is all about? They are creating citizens who will be able to function in a changing world.

The school's Site Council proposed in the form of a petition to cut either the Assistant Principal or a Community Liaison staff member to free up the money to keep current staffing levels in the upper grades. They also had a petition saying, "If you make these changes, we're pulling our kids from Minneapolis Public Schools." The board heard comments from a dozen of the attendees, very passionate, eloquent statements from parents, students and graduates. I'll be writing letters to voice my opinion. Will it make a difference? I don't know. I truly hope so.

All this being said, I have the highest respect for the Board and Superintendent Green. They chose to serve the schools and care deeply about public education. After the meeting, I tracked down a couple of them to thank them for their service. I really am grateful for what they are trying to do. They are in the unenviable position of having to deal with declining enrollment, fewer funds, a student population that is disproportionately poor with a large number of English as a second language students, plus the negative press from nit-wit, conservative lickspittles like Katherine Kersten who has not set foot in a school like Emerson, but feels free to bash public education at every turn. No doubt there are things about MPS that are broken, but Emerson school is not one of them

Another Weekend Come And Gone

Once again, we were scattered to the four winds. Friday, KyKy has a sleepover with some church youth at one of the leader's parent's house in Minnetonka. She didn't get to sleep until 4 am. Madster and 'Nika stayed overnight at the neighbor's house. The Other Younger Half and I collapsed at home. Saturday The Other Younger Half hosted a party for her school chums to celebrate the end of the term. She had it at The Massage Parlour, so who knows what kind of shenanigans were taking place there. KyKy did a little babysitting duty for a church friend in the late afternoon/evening, and I dragged the younger two up to the velodrome in Blaine to go watch bike racing on the track. It was cool. Literally. When we left home at 5:30 in our shorts and t-shirts it was 85 degrees and sunny. By the time we left the velodrome at 7:15 it was about 69 degrees and windy. It was too cold to hang around to watch all the races so we left early. The girls seemed interested for a while, but they decided to run around in the grass to keep warm, cuz sitting and watching races was getting uncomfortable.

Sunday morning, I met up with a "Nerds on Bikes Parade" aka Twin City Bicycling Club ride. It was 45 degrees and windy. The ride was really fun though. On Sunday afternoon the female contingent went to go spend money that we don't have and I fell asleep in a chair. When they got home 'Nika finished up her Colorado project. Last week she and I tried to make a relief map of the state out of cardboard, clay and a limited supply of paint. It's a good thing she was working on the project because when I made the mountain ranges, it started out looking like a bunch of wieners laid end to end running north and south. We painted it up, added some rivers and figured out how to make the mountains look more mountainous. There was no white paint for snow-capped peaks, 'till wily old dad figured we could use Elmer's Glue instead of paint. Very clever, I thought. Sunday, 'Nika and The Other Younger Half labeled some landmarks and voila! a masterpiece. My big accomplishment this weekend was getting the "Share the Road" stickers in the windows of the cars. Now we have to drive like cyclists matter.

The Other Younger Half has a couple of weeks off. You should expect copious posts from her in that time frame. All complaints about her lack of posting can be directed to tkstocking@gmail.com. Thank you for your help.

Well, I Made It

I was able to salvage 1 day of National Bike to Work Week today. I sat around waiting for a scheduled group to ride up Park Ave to Hennepin Gvmt Center, but when no one showed at 7:00 I took off. I can't be too late for work, there's coffee to make. I stuck around for the little hoo-ha for a while, picked up some literature, and talked to a couple of folks. I spent the most time with a guy representing "Hour Car". They try and encourage people who don't drive that much to give up their cars and share a fleet of vehicles they have sitting around Minneapolis. I would really love to get rid of my car and sign up for this, but I'm not sure it's possible with 3 kids and all. As I was leaving downtown by way of the 3rd Ave bridge, I looked to the west and saw a rainbow. "Uh oh." By the time I was riding through the Minneapolis campus of the U of M it started to rain. Rained most of the rest of the way to work. Getting wet doesn't bother me, I'm just worried about my leather saddle. If it gets soaked, it starts to sag and that's pretty much the end of it. Luckily, my fat butt kept if from getting wet, but I should carry some kind of cover with me just in case I guess. My ankle did fine. Pedaling is no problem. I'd feel it when I rode over bumpy streets, that's all. It's still a little puffy like I'm retaining water or have congestive heart failure and there is a bit of bruising left over. It looks like I'll be running into a fairly stiff south breeze on the way home, but I don't care. It's so good to be back on my bike again.

In other news, The Other Younger Half finished up her last final for the term last night. Now she has a couple of weeks off until her internship starts. We'll have to stock up on bon-bons so she can sit and watch teevee on her break.

'Nika and The Madster went to Youth Farm last night. They're pretty keen on it. It's a group that grows veggies in little garden plots around town. If there is still room to sign up, they'll probably participate this summer. If not they can always help me in our garden. We'll see. Every year we plant a garden they get all excited, but by the end of the summer it's dad who has done all the weeding and watering. No carrots this year. We've planted them in the past ostensibly to feed the rodents that the girls are keeping. Since Peanut the guinnea pig threw off her mortal coil this spring and since all the carrots we planted last year never were pulled out of the ground, we'll skip 'em. Mmmmm tomatoes are sounding really good though.

I Need A Miracle

No, not our finances. Not even God, who has cattle on a thousand hills, can help us with that. Today, while Jon was out trying to find a fan for a unit he was fixing (unsuccessfully I might add), I was in the office alone. I was away from my desk when the phone started to ring. Being the good secretary/receptionist/bookkeeper/person who makes the coffee that I am, I run to my desk to answer the phone. Big mistake. I am wearing these slip-on type shoes that The Other Younger Half found for 80% off. They are slip-on shoes, but hey have the soles (and souls I suppose) of clogs, big fat things about an inch and a half thick. I keep them at work to wear, so when I ride my bike, I have something to put on my feet at the office. My bike shoes don't cut it for all day wear. These cloggy things make me look taller, which is nice if I'm trying to intimidate Jon. Anyway, I'm sprinting across the lab to answer this phone call, "Big sale," I'm thinking, when all of a sudden my left foot falls improperly. Not being accustomed to running in these imposing clog type shoes, my foot lands sideways and boom, I'm on the ground, cursing. Cursing because this felt like more than just a simple turning of the ankle, although it's hard to tell in those initial moments after something like this. Could I just "walk it off" or was it going to be an ordeal like the sprained ankle I had working at FedEx when I was out from work for two weeks? Turns out it is somewhere in between. I'm not on crutches like I was 5 years ago, but I'm not walking normally either. The Other Younger Half had to come and pick me up from work, since I wasn't able to bike home. This is what is so aggravating: this week is national bike to work week and I was going to take the SS Death Star to work 4 out of the 5 days. Friday there is a wing-ding of sorts in downtown Minneapolis. Bike commuters are all supposed to meet up on designated routes throughout the city and gather at the Hennepin County Government Center for a little rally/breakfast/meet-your-fellow-bike-commuter thingy. I really want to go. I'm hoping that rest, ice and ibuprofin will get me to the point of being able to ride on Friday. We'll see. Oh, and that phone call I ran to answer like a good little employee? Wrong number.

And A Good Time Was Had By All

We spent the weekend scattered to the 4 winds. The Other Younger Half went up the Brule river with some of her lady friends for a 2 night bacchanal. 'Nika and The Madster stayed at EG & DM's house overnight on Friday and KyKy went to a sleepover birthday party on Friday night. Madster and 'Nika made some lovely Mother's Day presents. When they were at the park by EG & DM's someone was giving away flowers to be presented as MD gifts. Petunias, bleeding hearts, and the best part about it all was that they were free. I was going to get TOYH mulch for MD, but the flowers were much better. The kids and I met up on Saturday afternoon until it was time for them to go to "Stars on Ice." Apparently this is an ice skating show, not a bunch of Hollywood types laid out in their cryogenic glory. A friend got her hands on a bunch of comp tickets and a great big crew from the 'hood went to the Target Center to see the spectacle. We spent Mother's Day afternoon and evening at the Loll's where Jon and Clary filled us up with shishkabobs. Lots-o-moms were represented there, The Other Younger Half, Evil Grandmother, Clary, Loll's neighbor Milde along with her family and Loll's friend Angela with her family. It was such a pleasant evening. Great food, and good conversation that eventually moved out to the front porch. We chatted and watched the kids (9 of 'em plus a neighbor or two) ride bikes, jump rope, ride scooters and chase each other around.

This Is Getting Depressing

In the past couple of days I have heard of 2 serious bike accidents. In the forums and blogs about biking that I read, you can add 3 more serious accidents to that number, and I'm talking traumatic brain injury, broken vertebrae type stuff. If you read my drivel and you bike - WEAR YOUR DAMN HELMET. The guy with the broken vertebrae was in a hit and run, wearing a helmet, and he is going to be fine, although he's not on his bike yet. The guy with the TBI was biking drunk, in the dark, no helmet and is still in ICU at Regions 18 days after the accident. He ran off the road and went headfirst into a electrical switchbox, no cars involved. My only accident was 23 years ago when my front wheel fell of and I did a head over handlebars onto the pavement. I rolled so I hit shoulder first, and I remember distinctly in that time-slows-to-a-crawl moment, "My head is going to hit next." It did. I had a helmet on and there was no permanent brain damage. At least that's what I tell myself. In addition to wearing a helmet, obey the traffic laws. Bikers are treated the same as motor vehicles on the road under law. I don't care how nerdy it looks, wait at stoplights and at the very least slow waaaay down for stop signs if you're going to roll through them. Signal your turns. As the kewl kids say, "Keep the rubber side down."

The upside of biking? I am working on some awesome tan lines. The ones on the back of my hands are the best. The tan runs down my arm to my wrist. Then there is the pasty white back of my hand, except for the hole on the backside of my biking gloves created by the velcro strap that is up by my wrist. I'm starting a little tan oval on the back of my hand. Sweet. This will serve as yet another embarrassment to my family. When I was at FedEx, my left arm was noticeably more tan than my right because of all the time I spent in the truck. They thought that was funny.

Why Can't There Be More Days Like Tueday?

Yesterday morning's commute to work was nearly perfect. Cool weather, little wind and a kind of fresh dampness in the air from the rain. I would say that it was Zen like, but I don't know what that means. If I could have eliminated all the cars on my route, it would have been perfect. Work was, well work. Drink coffee, keep up with all the money Jon spent on equipment, answer the phone. I think it rang about a dozen times yesterday which is probably a record. The ride home was not as fun. There were a lot of dumb-asses on the road, in cars and on bikes. Cars were cutting off bikes (including me) at intersections. Cars parked in the bike lanes on Portland Ave. One dumb biker rolling through stoplights, not wearing a helmet. I caught him and dropped him between the lights, and then when I would stop and wait for the light to change he would pass me up by rolling through the light. Then I would pass him again until the next light. He had 2 close encounters with the same car at 2 different intersections. Idiot.

When I got home, I fired up the grill for one of those rare family dinners where we're all present, plus we had a guest of KyKy's from the neighborhood. We dined outside in the crappy back yard. The weather was lovely. I washed the SS Death Star for the second time in 3 weeks. Number of times I've washed my bikes in the last 7 months - 15. Number of times I've washed my car in the last 5 years - once, maybe. Finished up the evening by watching a movie, "Swingers." The movie is money, babies. Vince Vaughn is great, he's just starting to perfect the fast-talking, car dealer type character that he's done over and over since then. Not recommended for children or for those with any sense of moral propriety.

Aaaand We're Back

A good time was had by all this weekend. KyKy and Oma spent Friday evening jabbering like a couple of sorority sisters. Opa was on his best behavior, and he and I fell asleep Saturday afternoon in the den watching the Hitler Channel or one of those cable history things. 'Nika, Madster and cousin Lizzie stayed up until midnight shrieking in the basement. We didn't get to see much of the Holms on Saturday. Our little Dando had his senior prom that day. KyKy, Oma and Terri went to the "Grand March." Reports came back describing it as more of a "Long March," sans starvation and the beatings. Hope Dando had fun. Terri, if you see him in the next couple of months give us the dish.

On Saturday night we went to a musical production Lizzie was in at church. Very impressive. There were the requisite nose-picking, wave to mom and dad moments and a little moppet named Poppen (I kid you not) who stole the show. Lizzie was a fine Soldier 1 who mistakenly rounded up a time-travelling news crew rather than the real spies she was supposed to get. (If you're confused, read your dang bible, especially the part about Joshua and Jericho, although all the versions I've read don't say anything about a news crew) I blame Soldier 2 for capturing the wrong people. We laughed, we cried, it was a roller coaster ride.

We came home Saturday night to a lonley mommy and lonely dogs. The girls promised me they wouldn't tell The Other (Younger) Half about the bag of chips we devoured on the way home.

We're Heading For The Hills

Time to head up to God's Country. Being the neglectful son that I am, the fam has not been up to Cambridge for a couple of months. After work I head over to the Evil Grandmother and Dreadful Man's place to pick up the kids. Then it's off to Oma and Opa's. Sorry folks, The Other Younger Half is staying home to rub nekkid people at the Massage Parlour. But bringing the kids up will balance out the disappointment everyone feels when I get up there. Way back in the day when I would tell everyone I was coming up, I would be asked excitedly, "Is Tacy coming?" "No," I would answer, "She has to work." "Oh," was the entirely crestfallen response. I would bring one of the bikes up there, but it might rain and my legs need a rest. I've done about 170 miles since Sunday and I'm feeling a bit achey.

It was a funny thing growing up in Isanti County a German among all the Swedes. One of my closest friends from college, The Man With The Flaming Head That Is Not Consumed, (he had reddish hair) was exceedingly proud of his Swedish heritage and boasted of their advanced culture/civilization. He was in a similar situation as me, being that he was a Swede growing up around all the Germans in Sibley County. "How is it," I would ask him, "That the Swedes with their supposedly superior intellegence, would settle and start farming in Isanti County on land that alternates between clay, sand, rocks, hills, and trees; and the stupid Germans are all down in flat Sibley County with "black dirt" as far as the eye can see?" No answer. Oma's father did even better than Sibley County. He got off the boat and headed for Northern Iowa ending up in the thriving metropolis of Ruud. Unfortunately, the intellegence gene skipped me and The Man With The Flaming Head That Is Not Consumed went on to get a doctorate from Harvard. Go figure.

Yet More Recognition For Our Family

So yesterday afternoon, I left work and biked down to Edina/Minnetonka to watch the local road racers in the Opus Criterium. Ouch. It's humbling watching these category 1,2 and 3 racers punish themselves around a hilly little circut down in a suburban planning nightmare - Opus 2. 21 laps, every 3rd lap a sprint for points. These men and women are amazingly fit human beings. I did see one guy in the Cat 1,2,3 race who was at least 10 years older than me and probably weighed almost as much as me. He was still with the pack when I had to leave after lap 12. That was inspiring.

I get home from the races at about 8:30 and there sitting on the counter was a little slip of paper saying The Madster had gotten 10 out of 10 on a picture she had entered in the St. Paul Camera Club's last competition of the year. The Evil Grandmother has been a member of the club for many years and has been taking the older two girls to SPCC meetings and events. If I can get a copy of the pic from the E.G. I'll post it. Just like I've promised to post about a million other things.

The Other Younger Half was recognized by the College of St Catherine for her induction into her nursing secret society/cult. She wasn't recognized for anything else. I guess being a student, raising a family, owning a business and buying tasteful lawn furniture for a crappy back yard doesn't count for anything these days. What a world.

I'm still waiting for my medal from Al Gore.

Spring Arrives At Test Equipment World Domination Headquarters

I got to work today to see that Jon had propped open the front door and opened up the back loading dock door to let the breeze through the office. We did this all last summer and only ran the AC for a total of about 3 weeks. Our neighbors in the office park don't have the luxury of doing this so their AC runs all summer long. We're all about the environment here at NTE. We fix broken test equipment for resale, we re-use or recycle lots of packaging material. The heat gets turned down to 52 degrees in the winter at night. I ride my bike to work. Now if I can get Jon to quit driving that battleship of a vehicle, we'll really be doing our part.

I Am Ironman

Da da da dum dum dada dada dada dada da dum dum etc., etc. 64 miles today. Yup 64 miles. Sixteeee Four miles. I rode in the Ironman bike tour today with 5000 other riders. I did the 62 mile ride, although it ended up being 64. Did you catch that? 64 miles. I rode with Neil and Belinda who were on their tandem. It was pretty tough. The wind was from the west and although the NWS says it was only 10 mph while we were riding, it felt a lot worse. A lot. Ask anyone who rode today. Neil is laughing at me right now because he did 100 miles yesterday and 64 today. Well he can start his own blog. Wait. He already did. That makes 642 miles for the month of April and 1300 miles for the year. It could be a little bit more because I really didn't start keeping track until March and I think I lowballed January.

On Thursday, we went to The Other Younger Half's hoo-ha for the nursing society. It was nice. I am sorry to report that there were no darkend rooms, flickering torches, secret handshakes or gibberish incantations. There weren't any spankings either. I guess they only do that at Bethel. It wasn't overtly formal. In fact when the President of the local chapter was swearing in the officers for the next year, she forgot the little script. She turned to them and said, "Boing, you're inducted." Big laughs. Most of the evening was spent listening to how great the Society is. Fine. Just as long The Other Younger Half gets scholarship money from them when she pursues graduate study.

The Other Yonger Half took some of the cash she has been squirrling away from rubbing nekkid people at the Massage Parlour and bought a table for dining in the back yard. The table is very nice. It's bigger than the table we eat at inside. Our back yard is not nice though. Psycho and Stupid run and dig, dig and run, and poop, so we have no grass. I would send pictures but I think TOYH would kill me if I showed our dirt farm to the rest of the world on the internets. You're just going to have to come and see it in person. And then you can eat at our table. We ate out there tonight. Fired up the old Weber grill/snow guage (see pictures), grilled up some red meat (sorry Francis) and had a lovely dinner. Well it was lovely if you closed your eyes and didn't think about the rest of the crappy back yard.

Of Warts And Other Things

So we had yet another visit with Dr. Hendrick yesterday. He has been the kid's doc since KyKy was little. We've been lucky I guess. In the last 13 years I don't know how many times we've switched insurance because of jobs etc., but Dr. H. remains. We used to schedule appointments early in the morning becasue he is such a Chatty Cathy that he would be running 45 minutes late by the afternoon. Yesterday he came in, chatted a bit (of course) and then got down to the business of freezing those blasted warts. For some reason The Madster decided to stand up during the procedure, so by the end the pain was getting to her and she felt a little light-headed. That's o.k. just more time to talk with Dr. H until she feels better. We scheduled another appointment for two weeks from now to have the hunormous wart on her thumb treated again. Yeah the same one that was ripped off today playing kickball with the neighborhood kids tonight. I forgot to ask if she saved the thing after it got torn off. The Madster left her mark at the clinic yesterday, literally, by writing down some of her memorized lines of Macbeth on a little chalkboard in the exam room. Dr. H was duly impressed.

Tomorrow we go to St. Peter for the big nursing wing-ding. I honestly don't know when the last time we were all in the crapmobile together. It may have been for our fabulous haircuts. Sheesh we are a pathetic family. We don't do anything together.

I feel like I need to say a word about our youngest-you know what's her name, who didn't take an exciting trip to China or an exciting trip to the doctor to get warts removed. That's right! 'Nika. You know how toddlers will sometimes be holding on to something and suddenly just hand it to you? They just give it. Then they'll pick something else up and give it to you. Give. Give. Give. There is a residual form of this behavior that has hung on in our youngest. I swear she is the most generous child I have ever met. Ever. If she was starving and was given two M&Ms she would turn around and say to you, "Want one?" Again, she must get this from her mother, because as I have noted earlier in this blog, I am the most selfish person I know. The rest of the family, being as evil as we are, constantly take advantage of this generosity. "'Nika could you do this?" "'Nika could you get me that?" "Sure," is the invariable answer. I suppose we'll ruin her and she'll grow up to be a lesbian terrorist or something, hopefully a generous lesbian terrorist. But this trait is what make her so endearing and why we love her more than the other two. Kidding! Kidding! You all know we love the dogs the best.

OK You Ravenous Beasts

Since you can't seem to get enough of our mundane family life, there's more stuff for you to devour. Below (above?) is the Madster's excellent story, and if you click on the picture link to the left, you will see that KyKy has started to post some of the pics from her China trip. For all of you waiting for bike porn, hold on. Just remember that the anticipation is the exciting part. I will try my best to post more often. The pressure is almost too much to bear. Of course it would help if other family members would keep you updated once in a while.

The Madster's Voyageur Diary

This is a school assignment. It is a diary I made up of a girl who lived around 1800. She lived in a big family and was very adventurous. She didn't know how to spell, so please don't think I have horrible spelling.


Voyageur National Park


This here is a journal from 1804 to 1805. From what we can gather, it belonged to Annemarie Isabelle Gerard, a female voyageur who loved adventure. But in those days there were no female voyageurs, so she had to disguise herself as a man. We found these few 8 pages (which we believe had more entries) in the bottom of a old voyageur birch bark canoe in 1945,along with a much longer journal, which is on the left. Sadly, the other journal had no name, with pieces ripped that looked like were the names should be. The only clue we have is to who this person is, is the initials, “CPG”. Experts say this journal belonged to a relative of Annemarie, or at least a person in her brigade. These diaries are antiques, so please don’t touch!


Voyageur National Park



Quebec, Canada
April 3, 1804

Bonjour, je sui femmes heureux! My name is annemarie isabelle gerard, da 2nd old of pierre and gereldine gerard. I am tie for 7th child wif my twin broder, andre we like 2 pod in pees there is 13 of we yuny gerards, wif 5 of girl- marguerite, 20 , moi, 16, anna, 12, clarise, 10, papillona, 8, delia, 6, claire 3 of month- and 6 of boy.- phillipe, 23, jacques, 18, andre, 16, charles, 10, gabriel, 7, paul, 4- We troupeau gerard anna,phillipe
andre,gabriel and me from papooose us father have 4 ago year then he marri moi mere detape, gereldine, who huusband did dy an emediatli find me fader. snag hem by da nek and use hem for a huusband and a fader. She is smell like da spoiled cabage in bad buter. He is very quiet man at home keep hemself to hem, and don;t talk much. I blabber tu much, so i tell yu somting else.I love da open of forest, and advencher, so i run away to be voyager, and not be cuped up in da howse, wif 23 child and huusband dat like hees gun dat kill da ducks maguerite is stuk wif dat kind of da life i dion’t want it. I don’t want to be da slav of da drunken brut! Mon dieu! I tink dat andre will keep mi secret, and teach mi to be a man. I can finaly lern to spit! Only da family won’t now i wil kep secret from phillipe, jacques an pap, who also is voyager now to hunt duck an der. Adieu!





dis is the der i kill for super

Montreal, Canada
April 23, 1804

Mon Dieu! Mi hands are so swolen they is as beeg as mi heed an por mi body, it is all of endolori andre is no much better. Mon Dieu, as i was saying! Today we left Montreal a crowd was all of us cheering! it feel as if dey were cheering for moi i was goeng to bow, buut, i was sweating as if a were da pig, even afder 9 stroks! Mon Dieu! I am such the wimp! andre did better for he don boy work- not dat i did eny- buut i was weak. When i was about not to bear it eny longer and i was about toooo die, we stopped. Thanks of the god we had da pork an da corn for diner it was da nasty food-was it da food?- i ever had in me stomach, to witch i had olmost emptyed on mi plate i was so da hungery, i did enheiled it befor i reaslize what i did just eten. andre sayed that my face look like i have eten gereldines perfume. -Mon Dieu, did i look dat bad?- Inow have the new male name, Henri Pierre. Uhhh, i em to sick to my estomac!












Dandilions


Near St. Anne’s
May 1, 1804


I did not feel eny better then last entri is a voyager life dat hard? mi hands is cru and da blooted look phillipe say the will feel fin afder a few weks. Mon Dieu! I can not wait dat long for my hand s will fall of by than and be flooting raund the st. lowrence river. Mon Dieu!- what do i ceep riting dat word!?- we have stop at some cadlic church name st. anne. pretti niseeglise. Everi person give a donation and give a lettle preyer for da safe trip. andre an moi skroungeed for da coin, put dem in da lettle box, den we bot nelt an us prey. I preyed for papa and phillipe and jacques and andre and me. I preyed for everibodi at home -ecept for gereldine whose i hoped to sufocated in her purfume, sorri god- i also preyed for reel food.- mabyegereldine is a merchant femme, but she can kook up da storm




Lake Nipissing-i tink-
June 29, 1804

mi preyers were usless. apapa is dead. Us all were thropw out of the boat in da midle of da storm it was cold an whet and thunder an litning crique over we’s boat i felt scared , wif da ominus clouds cracling over we’s heeds. i feel small an helpless. den it cam. Da wave. Da vague. it push us over da boat an in to da churning waters of da lake nipissing. phillipe and jacques and andre and moi ecaped wif bruses and 1 brocen toe and 2 srain ancles. papa drowned. 4 out of da 12 , 1/4 -i went to skool- died, mi fader 1 of dem. it is to hard to talk about it. i felt horible.Now i don’t have or now my bialogikal parents! Mon Dieu! They is buring da dead 1’s temoraryly. I can not wach! i moost not cri! i am a man! i moost be a man. i-i m-moost not sh-sho m-mi true identiti! M-m-m-i.....




mi faders brocen blade

Grande Portage
August 10, 1804
Grande Portage!
reel peeple! Reel places! REEL FOOD! It smell like reeel food, not flee riden da pork and corn! I have live on dat for too long! Mon Dieu! girls have been wincing at me ever sice mi got of da canoo Mon Dieu!
They like moi! they LIKE moi! Merchant! A Rendevous is in a coople of da ours. i tink i mit go adieu!
.....
MON DIEU!
Gereldine has remarryed! 2 month afder her ofer huusband have died! Por claire! she will never now her reeel fader!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
.....
i nevr tasted booooooze befor! i lov it! it tasti!-hic!- i have mi first fite todey! wif-hic!- phillipe!-hic!- mi i is sor and-hic!- blac!mon dew!god fod and-hic!- god lafs!
i dased wif andre everiwon laffing and-hic!-drunc i so drunc i can t rite!-hic!- mon dew! i go to -hic!- slep now! adeeu! -hic!-
















mi beeeeutiful wine!
In the middle of nowhere
August 29, 1804

Had mi first portage todey mon dieu! those pacs way about da ton! jocques spraned hes ancle . he can still padle doe. and gess what, gereldine had a baby not just the baby, but twins!TWINS! There is now 13 mouth to feed! An when we get back 15! 15! the babies is a da boy and da girl. Jean and Gabriella! Mon Dieu! Can da life get eny da wors!












da babies

A cabin in Boringland
December 25, 1804

Crismas is here in alesageland. When we cleened up the canoo, i foound a bunch of papers. i piced dem up and what do yu tink thay were? Mi fader’s diari wif the initials “CPG:! MI DECISED FADERS DIARY, Mei he rest in da peece!
MON DIEU!
I had been reeding hes diari in some parts were jus plain a lesage and digusting, such as pierre-named afcer papa- my nephew-in-laws, who is such da total brat, while papa go on on how strong and smart and corage for the 2 year-old boy.Mon Dieu! All he is is a fat of a lettle boy with red hares and da frecles alwais screching dat angelice, hes 1-year-old sester-who is such the total angel- has more den everiting he has. All i tink is that he does et becase she is get some attenton, an he es not geting enof. He alwai had a puurple lolipop wif hem. Strangest of times. But enyway, I founded dis pasage dated May 18 ,1804 za dey zat da brigade left da Montreal. He talk how i run away da dey befor we left, and how he feel terible about fiting wif me da dey befor about marrying a cleck wif lots of money. i did never reelize dat i have hurt hem. pauvre papa! and da.........



Mon Dieu! i founded a papsage da dey befor papa die. et say “Henri Pierre and i had a lettle talk on da familyes back home. He had told me of hes sweethart, gereldine-o.k., i have lie becase he is mi fader for sakes of da god!- and i told hem of mi beutifuul gereldine-gross!-. i now it es bad to lie , but she es not zat god looken and steenks like da cow in da hog fat _wey to go papa, may you rest in da gods peece!-. And wile us were talk, Henri reminded mi of my pretty annemarie-WHAT?- he has da same chine and i’s, and da meories floded back about zat fite. Ohhh, iam sorry aneemarie” I forgiven yu papa! Ohhh papa!





Grande Portage
April 3, 1805

CIVILIZATON! DA STREETS! DA STORES! DA CARAGES! DA HORSES!
DA FOOD!
It is been exact 1 yeer sise i lef for Grande Portage wif andre,phillipe,jacques and pap, mey he rest in da peece. Meny tings have changed. Moi run away, we leeving for Grande Portage, da new fader, da twins. Papa dieing. All en 1 yeer Mon Dieu! phillipe and jacques have dues to be da paid. papa did two, but hes die, so i don’t now what thier go to do a bout it. I have ripped a ll the names from hes diary so noone weill notise it wes hys. andre and moi is going back to da home to reunite wif old freinds and da famili, den take anna,gabriel,lis and Delia to live gy our wages. It could hapens. Bahh! i alreedi feel sick wif civilzaton. i crave da river, da trees and da forest. I moost live da life of da voyager! Mon Dieu! It has only been 3 minets and i wants to get bac on da canoo and paddle to Grande Portage. It call to me. But now i moost fly. Adieu!

And Tears Came To My Eyes

Yes, yes I know, I haven't been updating everyone and your online concern has me overwhelmed. I work so hard to come up with some snarky post (sniff,sniff), and then the well goes dry, so I don't write (uncontrollable weeping). Maybe all the time spent breaking my new Brooks saddle has affected my thinking, being where my brain is located and all. I figured everyone but Neil would be yawning over my miles. So go ahead, blame the bike, but beware the SS Deathstar. 125 miles on the bike Friday through Sunday including a 52 mile ride on Sunday. Time for you folks to get off the couch and into the saddle.

I took the girls out a couple of times in the past week, and they're always asking if we can take off on a ride. This is a good thing cuz the goal is to get them to a level of fitness so we can pile the bikes in the Crapmobile and head out to some trails outside the city.

On Tuesday, we went to the painless dentist. KyKy and I had fillings put in and The Madster had some sealant put on her teeth. The last time I had a filling, they either clubbed me on the head or liquored me up or something to mask the pain, but I don't remember since it was so long ago. This time it was not what I would describe as a pleasant experience, but considering that they were drilling a hole in my head, it wasn't too bad. The only downside is that now I have to wear my tinfoil hat all the time. I'm sure that some kind of mind-control device was implanted and I can't let the aliens (or the gov'mint) tell me what to. I think they want me to stop riding my bike. Today I take The Madster to the doc to get some warts frozen off. Delicious. This is the second time we've had to do this. They came off once and returned bigger and better than ever. I too knew the heartbreak of warts as a child so I feel her pain. 'Nika survived the ear piercing, but maybe we should get this raging 105 fever and loss of hearing checked out sometime. And finally in medical news, Psycho the dog got into the garbage on Saturday night and proceeded to barf all over the house while we slept. Stupid dog.

The Madster wrote yet another masterpiece for school. It's the journal of a young girl who disguises herself as a boy and runs off to be a voyageur. I'll get it posted, but I think I'll need to fiddle around with the formatting to get it to look right. The Madster also landed a part in the school play - Macbeth(?) by some guy named Shakespeare I guess. She is neglecting everything else to learn her lines.

The girls all got their report cards back. Man, they must have their mom's brains. I never got marks like that.

The Other (Younger) Half is still plugging away at school and the Massage Parlour. She has a 2 week break or so between the end of the school term and the beginning of her internship. It will be a well deserved rest. On Thursday we are all heading down to St. Peter for her induction in to some nursing society, Delta-Delta-Delta-23-Ski-doo. If there are paddle involved spankings as a part of the initiation, I'll blog about it.

Another Saturday Come And Gone

Not much happening around here, except for maybe, oh, the second greatest thing that has happened to me in my life (the first was meeting and marrying The Other [Younger] Half). Ok, Ok make that the fourth, since I have to include the births of my 3 children. The fourth greatest thing in my life happened to me last night. I finally picked up my new bike. For you geeks it's a 56cm Surly Cross Check with a Shimano 105 drive train, including a 36 spoke DuraAce rear hub, Brooks Flyer saddle and Crank Bros. Candies Pedals. Everything on the bike is pretty much black, silver or white (even the rims for the wheels are black, sweeet), so when I picked it up from the shop that built it up for me, the owner called it the "Death Star." After a bit of initial tweeking last night, today I took SS Death Star out on her maiden voyage. It was better than......almost anything I can think of. This morning I did the tour of Minneapolis, following the trails around the city, 42 miles in all. This is the longest continuous ride I have ever done. It was unbelievable. After 39 miles of riding I ended up on the Midtown Greenway in Minneapolis and I put the hammer down and punched it up to 20mph on my little cycle computer. It took so little effort, even after all that riding. My butt even cooperated. You have to understand, a Brooks saddle is basically a thick piece of leather streched over a frame. No padding. At all. Once you get the saddle to conform to your butt shape, you can go forever. The problem can be the break-in period. Suffice it to say that I am posting this sitting down with absolutely no pain at all. I can't wait to get out tomorrow. I may even post some pictures over on Picassa of all my bikes. Just look for the album labled "Bike Porn."

The kids spent last night at the Evil Grandmother and Dreadful Man's house. So it was just The Other (Younger) Half and me. Friday evening. Alone. We spent a wild night of her doing homework and me watching "Red Green" on the teevee until I fell asleep. We're just like a couple of newlyweds we are.

Today, after she got done rubbing Nekkid people at the Massage Parlour, The Other (Younger) Half took the girls out for a little girls day out. 'Nika got her ears pierced and not one tear was shed. Our little baby is growing up. This is the same child who could not get to sleep because her "foot hurt." We found out the solution to this intractable foot pain was to put a damp paper towel on her foot when she went back to bed. This child doesn't have just a low threshold for pain, I think she has a negative threshold, if that's possible. KyKy had her ears double pierced today. I have no problem with that, ear piercing I mean. But if she comes home with a railroad spike driven through her head because that is what all the cool kids are doing, I guess I might have second thoughts about her getting that second piercing in her ear. Slippery slope and all. This leaves me as the only holdout to having holes poked in my body. The Madster has pierced ears as does The Other (Younger) Half. TO(Y)H even has a little diamond stud in her nose. She didn't listen to me when I told her that it was farm animals in this country that traditionally have holes poked through their noses. Oh well. Next time you are looking for our family, just look for the mutilated group with all the bling hanging from their sensory organs.

The Evening Nooz And A Brush With Celebrity

Well I was right about the hyperventilating news readers last night. Snowstorm leads our coverage! I generally watch the 9pm local news because I'm an old man and I want to get to bed early. This hour long program has to be one of the lamest on the planet. The first half hour is devoted to local events plus stupid stories from around the country from network affiliates. That second group of stories drives me nuts. I don't care about the fire department in Peoria rescuing a dog from a sewer drain, or the little old lady who drove her Cadillac through a storefront in Phoenix. But what's really annoying is the news readers adding their inane concern comments at the end of a piece.

Anchor 1:
"....and that's when the Space Shuttle tipped over and landed on Mr. Klupford's foot, bruising it quite badly."

Anchor 2:
"Wow, I bet that caught him by surprise. Let's hope that he's alright."

The second half of the show is devoted to American Idol recaps I think. I only know this from the teases they sprinkle throughout the first half of the show. I turn it off after the weather.

So last night they lead the show with the big snowstorm that is on its way. I think they were all holding paper bags off camera in case their hyperventilating left them incapacitated. Since it wasn't snowing in the metro last night, they had to do a live remote from Owatanna showing the snow falling. The horror! Snow falling in April. So last night I wake up at 3:30 and look out the window. No snow. It had started by the time I got up at 6:00. Big deal. It's snow.

Last evening The Other (Younger) Half went to a book reading/signing/dog and pony show. The author was Anne Lamott, our favorite. As it turns out, a friend of ours in California is a friend of Ms. Lamott. When our friend found out that The Other (Younger) Half was going, she emailed Ms. Lamott who said she would be happy to reserve some seats at the event. She left a phone number. The Other (Younger) Half left a message on the phone saying there would be 6 or 7 people there. When The Other (Younger) Half arrived at the store, the line apparently went to the Iowa border. (I guess some people were standing in the snow around Owatanna) So when Ms. Lamott appeared, she saw the empty reserved seats and asked, "Where's my friend Tacy and her friends?" Pretty cool. I'll try and get The Other (Younger) Half to fill in some details. I do know that she did not ask Ms. Lamott the most important question, "Does she read this blog?"