Aaaand She's Off

The big news since the last posting is KyKy earning her driving privileges. On Thursday afternoon we headed down to Chaska, where it is rumored the people giving the road test are a bit more lenient. I couldn't tell you if they are or not, but KyKy passed on her first try. She could think of only one other friend who had passed on one attempt. She's been driving around with us since November, and she isn't a risk taker or all nervous behind the wheel, so her passing was not a huge surprise.

Yesterday was her first "solo" trip, although it wasn't truly solo. She ferried her sisters to softball and karate. This is the big, big upside of her getting her license, TOYH and I can have her make the annoying trips for us, other than going to the liquor store get daddy his beer and mommy her red wine. She's still keen on running an errand without anyone with her, that day will come.

I remember how incredibly liberated I felt when I finally got my license. Living out in the middle of nowhere, we were completely auto dependent, and until Terri got her license mom had to cart us around. I'm sure she was happier than Terri when Terri got her license. Because dad was commuting up to Moose Lake for work, we became a 3 car family - 1 truck, 1 sedan, 1 high milage commuter car for dad. There was usually a vehicle available for any driver who needed to get into town, even when there were four licensed drivers in the house. I think my first trip by myself was to play in the pep-band at a basketball game, taking the old Dodge "Wimpy Wagon" truck. I felt so free, not having to depend on anyone to get me to and from practices or "social engagements."

Things are different for me now. Driving is a chore and getting in the car to go somewhere by myself makes my brain crazy. I'm not sure if that's a function of the aftermath of the accident or if it's because I can't stand the thought of putting more miles on a car that is closing in on 180,000. When I think of my dream job, a big part of that dream is being able to commute by bus or bike. I know KyKy doesn't share my disdain for driving....yet. On the bright side, she sees the environmental and health benefits of taking the bus or biking for some trips. She took the bus to and from work on Saturday despite having a license.

Speaking of dream jobs, I'm not at mine right now. This job should be easy, but somehow I seem to find a way to screw up something almost daily. In fairness to myself, I think the instructions I get are sometimes ambiguous, but the fact remains that this isn't rocket science and I shouldn't have so many problems. I've always thought that I could be content doing just about any job. I'm not sure I think that anymore. For better or for worse, work plays a huge part in how we identify ourselves, and I suppose by extension, determines our self worth. I'm not strictly defined by my job. I have other interests outside of work I think make me a semi-interesting person to be around, but I'm embarrassed to say that when I meet new people or catch up with old friends, I dread the inevitable question, "What are you doing now?" - in other words, "What kind of work are you doing?" or really, "Who are you as a person?" Job as identity. I can never give the simple answer, "I stock shelves." I'm always qualifying what I say by adding that its transitional or some such thing. In short, I guess I'm kind of ashamed by my work, and thus my identity as a person. I tell myself that this shouldn't be, that I'm bigger than my job, and that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough yadda, yadda, yadda. Oh well. I'll just have to buck up and not let it bother me.